Love help - how do you get love help?

Reading love and relationship books? Talking with friends? Seeing a relationship counselor?

What about taking advantage of one another as love help helpmates? Or are you concerned about appearing to be perfect, or fearful of annoying your partner with your requests for help?

The fact is, we all need gentle reminders from time to time, especially when we’re trying to alter old habits. It’s so easy to just slip back into what you’ve done for most of your life.

So why not get more intimate by inviting your mate to help you — by kindly and gently pointing out when you’ve gone against the behavior you said you wanted to give up or change? To do this, you may first want to discuss how expressing your desire for help makes you feel vulnerable and exposed, if that’s the case. And make sure you both are clear about how
the helpful reminders are going to be delivered and received –as gifts of love — not in any way that is hurtful.

Judith: We do lots of teleseminars and it’s very easy for Jim to get excited about what we’re talking about and then his voice climbs up into his pre-teen octaves.

Jim: So I asked Judith to point it out when it happens. Now whenever she hears me going into that high range she just puts her hand out and moves it downward. I see it and know that she is lovingly reminding me to get back down into my adult body as I speak.

How can you agree to provide more love help to expand each other’s change and growth? And how can you help in a sweetly, loving manner?

Need to know more about letting love lead? Then our program by that name provides the love help you’re looking for.

http://www.judithandjim.com/lettinglovelead

Real love and real romance, the kind that lasts a lifetime, that’s what most people want.

So why does dating have a bad rap? And why do more than half of all marriages end up in divorce?

The answer’s pretty clear when you look at what most people settle for, or worse yet, put up with.

But, the fact is, there’s a world of deep spiritual connection, great adventure, and rich unfolding romance . . . all available when you know
what you’re looking for . . . and how to let love lead every day.

In our twenty years of being together(nineteen married) we’ve conducted an informal survey of couples who obviously have remarkable relationships.

Young and older, they all shared several things in common.

Read the rest of this entry »

Most relationships, from dating to long-term marriage, suffer from emotional cheating. Determined emotional cheating.

Why do we say “determined”?

Because most people suffer from the false belief that they aren’t lovable AS IS (otherwise known as The Fear of Being Fabulous). So they won’t show up in their relationships AS IS.

They think they’ll be more lovable if they pretend to be:

** happy all the time
** helpful and doting all the time
** funny and fun all the time
** s..ex..y all the time
** gorgeous and spiffy all the time
** and on and on and on . . .

So, what happens? They can never feel loved because who they REALLY are is never available to love and be loved.

And their partner knows, consciously and unconsciously that something isn’t quite right, even if they can’t name it. They know there’s more they want. Something quite fabulous, but they don’t know how to get it.

Typically both people are dancing this game of pretense and both people feel cheated.

And they ARE being cheated.

We knew a woman a few years ago who was bright, creative, ambitious, loved jazz, AND had a wildly raunchy sense of humor. BUT she thought men would be turned off by her humor, so she came off more like a stuffy, maiden librarian than a fun-loving, full–throttle, stand-up dame.

Are you surprised to learn that she had never attracted a man she could fall in love with?

Of course not. The right kind of man could never see her, who she really was, and would find other women who fit the bill.

Under her falseness lived the truly wonderful, intriguing, always fascinatingly complex Fabulous Person that the right kinds of men would want to be with.

But she never believed that.

Even though somewhere, deep inside, waaaay deep inside, she lived with the knowledge that she shouldn’t have to live with the fear of “being found out.”

But she did. Opting for her fear rather than for love.

Now, having read that, you know better. Somewhere deep down inside you now know better . . .

So what can you do?

1. Admit to yourself that you are living a lie.
2. Acknowledge that the person you are with can’t truly love you because you’re hiding your real value.
3. Decide whether you want to keep hiding how fabulous you are . . . or you’d rather make a break for the freedom of being your Real Self.
4. Confess your fear and your hiding to the one you’re with, or at least a close friend.
5. Determine to come out, come out, come out little by little, bit by bit and see how people respond to the Real You.
6. Receive their sincere love and enjoyment just being with you, the Real You. The Fabulous You!
7. Know that you’re on the fast track to changing your entire life . . .

Ready . . .

Get set . . .

GO!

NOTE - Be sure to watch for our holiday special on our program “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous.”

Since we’re always prodding you to overcome your fear of being fabulous, it’s only fitting that we keep jumping up and leaping forward - far beyond where we’ve been.

So next week we open our membership site - the Soft Sell Marketers Association - to Beta Members only. That’s because we want to get the kinks and gremlins out of it before we open the doors a bit wider.

Our commitment is to making the Soft Sell Marketers Association - SSMA - the home for Soft Sell Marketers - so that online marketing is no longer so lonely or isolated.

More when we throw the doors wide open!

Start a Freedom To Be Fabulous Journal . . .

For your first entry, write down the one thing you most want in this life that you haven’t been able to make happen.

Then write five “reasons” that you tell yourself about how it is that you’re still going without this prized goal.

Can you see that these are just excuses? Or are you pining after something that is physically impossible for you to have (like being an all-star basketball player, when you’re only 5′ 6″)?

Either way, recognize that you’ve started an exploration that is dedicated to liberating you from the bondage of The Fear of Being Fabulous.

NOTE: Our 12-CD “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous” program is nearing completion - we’ll let you know as soon as it’s available!

Consider the areas in your life that are less than fulfilling. What’s missing?

What do you want to change?

Where do you want more success?
More freedom?
More love?
More recognition?
More wealth?
More ??????

Pay attention to any areas in your life in which you feel disappointed,
maybe even victimized.

Now, this may feel uncomfortable, maybe even painful.

But that’s okay. It may even be necessary before you can say . . .

“I’ve had it with losing out.”

“My time has to come . . .now!”

And here’s our nudge . . .

What are you feeling right now, in response to our nudging you to look at the results of the fear of being fabulous in your life?

What objections, doubts, worries, anxiety have crept into your mind and body?

All that stuff is your enemy.
That stuff isn’t rightly yours.
No. It’s not.
You got it from someone else.

And now, take a breath.

Because here’s the question for you to explore.

Where did you get those negatives attitudes about yourself and your life?
.

Whew! It’s been a couple months that we’ve been intensely focused on our “Bridging Heart and Marketing II” conference, which was a phenomenal success.

Now we’re back and we’ve renewed our dedication to using this blog to focus exclusively on “The Fear of Being Fabulous” and overcoming it.

NOTE: Be sure and leave your Comments and tell us what you want to know more about.

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Judith & Jim

Our local Whole Foods market provides a weekly “Taste Treat Sampling Sesison” from 4-6 pm every Wednesday. We’ve got this event in our calendar, it’s such fun!

We’re always pretty vocal about how terrific the event is - telling the servers which samples we prefer - and complimenting Reuben - the store manager - at least we think he’s the manager - for putting on the event.

AND yesterday, Reuben elevated us to “Official Customer Tasters” - starting next Wednesday. We are deligted.

It’s just a little tidbit of what happens when you live fully - when you make yourself known., when you overcome The Fear of Being Fabulous!

So, what’s going on in your neighborhood? Where can you show up and make yourself known!?

And, if that makes you nervous, be sure to get “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous” at http://www.judithandjim.com/fearofbeingfabulous

Word on the street too often suggests that men don’t care about romance. They’re not emotional. Only women are sensitive and emotionally intimate.

But our 20 years working with couples and singles tells us that’s simply not true.

And some fun support for our position comes from our July 4th holiday sale for our first eBook “Living Your Love Every Day”

http://www.judithandjim.com/livingyourlove

43% were purchased by MEN!

This is 3 volumes of emotional intimacy 3 Volumes of real romance
Over 200 pages of true love stories

And 43% were purchased by MEN!

So ladies - pay attention -

If your man isn’t as romantic as you’d like, perhaps you’re expecting Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet instead of go grocery shopping with you -

Or maybe you have trouble receiving so that all the special kindnesses have gone unnoticed and you’ve “trained” your man to stop giving
to you…

SO to honor the Real Romance of Real Men and Real Women in Real Life we encourage you to get your own “Living Your Love Every Day” eBook.

And tell your friends to be sure to get theirs as well!

http://www.judithandjm.com/livingyourlove

Andrea Segovia from Wisconsin told us, “I couldn’t put it down - I was so moved by your stories. What a fun way to learn how to be more romantic!”

http://www.judithandjim.com/livingyourlove

Recently we realized that we had completley fulfilled all of the wedding vows we’d written and spoken 20 years ago. Now it was time to write new marriage vows and so we did.

We wrote them separately keeping them private until last night when we went out to dinner.

After dinner, dessert, and deeply connected conversation we then held hands and took turns reading our vows to each other.

And today much impacted by those vows - all good - because we took them very seriously.

If you are single, is it time for you to write vows to yourself about what kind of person you are looking for and what you are willing to do to meet that person?

If you are in a committed relationship, is it time for you to write new vows to advance your life together much as we did?