Word on the street too often suggests that men don’t care about romance. They’re not emotional. Only women are sensitive and emotionally intimate.

But our 20 years working with couples and singles tells us that’s simply not true.

And some fun support for our position comes from our July 4th holiday sale for our first eBook “Living Your Love Every Day”

http://www.judithandjim.com/livingyourlove

43% were purchased by MEN!

This is 3 volumes of emotional intimacy 3 Volumes of real romance
Over 200 pages of true love stories

And 43% were purchased by MEN!

So ladies - pay attention -

If your man isn’t as romantic as you’d like, perhaps you’re expecting Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet instead of go grocery shopping with you -

Or maybe you have trouble receiving so that all the special kindnesses have gone unnoticed and you’ve “trained” your man to stop giving
to you…

SO to honor the Real Romance of Real Men and Real Women in Real Life we encourage you to get your own “Living Your Love Every Day” eBook.

And tell your friends to be sure to get theirs as well!

http://www.judithandjm.com/livingyourlove

Andrea Segovia from Wisconsin told us, “I couldn’t put it down - I was so moved by your stories. What a fun way to learn how to be more romantic!”

http://www.judithandjim.com/livingyourlove

Recently we realized that we had completley fulfilled all of the wedding vows we’d written and spoken 20 years ago. Now it was time to write new marriage vows and so we did.

We wrote them separately keeping them private until last night when we went out to dinner.

After dinner, dessert, and deeply connected conversation we then held hands and took turns reading our vows to each other.

And today much impacted by those vows - all good - because we took them very seriously.

If you are single, is it time for you to write vows to yourself about what kind of person you are looking for and what you are willing to do to meet that person?

If you are in a committed relationship, is it time for you to write new vows to advance your life together much as we did?

We wish you a very Happy and Romantic Valentine’s Day! And the secret for making sure it’s “happy” and “romantic” - that’s simple but not always easy.

Because it’s in the little things - the special look, the tiny touch, the extra help at the end of a busy day. It’s in the “stuff” that’s easy to take for granted - especially when the sales ads for Valentine’s Day make it seem like nothing less then diamonds and champagne will do.

So today notice the little things. Cherish each other for all the ways you bless each other’s lives every day. And enjoy the very real romance you create together!

The season of high romance is here! Yet, Valentine’s Day may be the most dangerous day of the year for love and romance.

Since people receive no formal training or preparation for how to date effectively or how to create passionate long-lasting marriages, all too often the full burden of our desire for love and romance falls on Valentine’s Day — with Cupid, The Florist and The Candy Maker trying to fill the bill. Then, when fantasies of perfect romance, perfect gifts, perfect love-making collide with reality — love loses out to broken dreams and broken hearts.

Can you take the danger out of Valentine’s Day? YES!!! Because it’s the way you treat their differences that either makes or breaks love!

Read the rest of this entry »

Okay - you know we don’t usually write about movies. But we went to see “Bucket List” Friday night and it was so good, so compelling that we encourage you to go see it (if you haven’t already.)

Why?

Because, above all else, it’s about love. Real love.

No, it’s not about romantic love. Instead it’s about the very real love that develops between two heart-encrusted men who are “of an age.” It’s about their journey out of loneliness into heart-connection. And, most of all, it’s about the journey we all must make to come fully alive - by breaking out beyond the fear of being loved.

Read the rest of this entry »

Snce you probably received no formal training in how to date effectively or create a successful, long-lasting marriage, here are the five keys to creating a new intimacy, an emotional intimacy that takes you beyond sex-roles and techniques and tolerance, and moves you deep into the heart of a relationship that respects and values both of you.

1. Your partner is not you.
In every relationship there always are two distinctly different people. In the old intimacy, both people tried to get one another to match their fantasies. In the new intimacy, both people respect and work with the differences.

2. You and your partner co-create your relationship right from the beginning. You both are active participants. Neither one of you is powerless. In the old intimacy powerlessness was expressed through dominance or submission, leading to power struggles. In the new intimacy, both people know they have real impact and work
together to create necessary changes.

3. Curiosity about your partner is essential,
Curiosity is the sweetest aphrodisiac there is. We all want someone to recognize, understand and desire us for who we really are. In the old intimacy, relationships were largely shaped by acting out sex-role-performances. In the new intimacy, a sincere interest in the other person, how s/he is feeling, what s/he wants and needs, creates a deep, ongoing and fulfilling connection.

4. Conflict is unavoidable when two uniquely different people join there lives together. Fair fighting and creative conflict resolution honor your changing needs and keep the relationship healthy and growing. In the old intimacy, conflict is a dangerous win-lose situation. In the new intimacy, conflict is just a warning that something needs to change and a mutually beneficial resolution is the goal.

5. You must be able to receive the love that is given to you. Being loved is only meaningful when you can receive it. When you do, the love that comes to you will be sweet and warm and completely acceptable. In the old intimacy, people hid behind role playing, suffering chronic fear that “if you really got to know me” you’d — leave, laugh, reject me. In the new intimacy, both people know that love is expressed in many different ways and that learning to receive more and more love is a blessing to their growing intimacy.
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If you’re ready for more real romance every day, be sure to check out our Keeping Romance Alive 2-CD (and a wonderful bonus) package.

http://www.judithandjim.com/rp/main.html

Recently we were in our local Barnes & Noble having tea and reading - a break we occasionally enjoy after dinner (especially after a long day in front of our computers and talking on the phone).

At the table next to ours a young woman sat down with a book that looked a lot like our own “Be Loved for Who You Really Are.” Indeed it was.

We ended up chatting with her for over an hour and she bought the book. This is what she wrote to us the next day:

I started reading “Be Loved for Who You Really Are” and I can’t put it down! It has opened me up in ways far beyond my imagination and it has already began to make huge differences in my relationship quadrant of life. Thank you for taking the time to spread the message to the public….I can’t wait to finish the book, and reread it again. I will recommend this to all my friends and those I come across.
Winona Cheung
Las Vegas, NV

Married or single, this book guides you through the spiritual journey love has in store for you when you give yourself to love - instead of demanding preconceived “ideas of how love should be.”

BE LOVED FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE
St. Martin’s Press, 2003
ISBN 0-312-31318-7
Trade Paper, $13.95
Link to Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/dlmfc

The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all continuing holidays. It was observed 4000 years ago by the ancient Babylonians and has continued, with only minor interruptions, into modern times.

Anything with a history that long and enduring clearly has deep significance for the human psyche.

Perhaps it’s simply a celebration of being alive, having made it through another circle of the sun. But for many of us there is also the recognition of death and rebirth, a letting go of what has been and surrendering to what is yet to be.

Philosophers make the distinction between “being”–that which already is (symbolized by Grandfather Time) and “becoming”–that which yearns to be born (represented by the New Year’s baby wrapped in a fluffy white diaper).

In western civilization, there is the symbol of the kiss. After all, at the stroke of midnight, it is customary to kiss the one you love, expressing the promise, the future of your love.

That love, the kind that recognizes, values, and admires you for who you really are, is what most people believe is the most sought after experience in life. And it certainly is exhilarating when the one we love sees us and knows us and says “YES!”

But what about that self in the future? Who we want to become, our dreams and aspirations, our ambitions and the images we hold of what we know is possible. After all, who we are is mostly composed of who we’ve
been. But who we will be, that’s a matter of imagination, desire, and commitment.

When lovers cherish one another’s hopes and desires they embrace and lift up for one another that new future. It is a psychic space into which they can grow individually and as a couple. This new year, respectfully ask yourself, “Where am I going?” and listen humbly for an answer. You are calling on your soul to speak, to show you more of what is possible.

Also, as a sign of deep and respectful care for the one you love, sincerely ask “What do you want?” and “Where do you see yourself going?” This not only demonstrates your support for what may be possible, but offers powerful encouragement to search and discover, and then in due time–go for it.

And what could be a better time than New Year’s Eve to talk about where the two of you have been in the last year. Embrace all the success, and humbly value the challenges, for they have all prepared you for what is yet to come. Then open your imaginations and make a list of what you want to focus on and accomplish in the new year. Don’t censor or edit what you imagine. Acknowledge what you each want to become individually and what you want your togetherness to look and feel like by New Year’s Eve 2008. You can imagine it as a personal Board of Directors meeting with your souls guiding the outcome.

Your New Year celebration then becomes an expression of hope and desire, an honoring of what has been accomplished and survived and what is yet to come. It is an affirmation of what awaits you within and without. And it is a declaration of your commitment to the voice that urges you to be more, to open your heart and mind even more fully to what life and love have in store.

Dream big, dream with love. Only then can you create a future that is far more fulfilling than anything you’ve ever known. Only then can you bring forth dreams and goals that, once fulfilled, will also make the world a better place.

We wish you a very Happy New Year!

And to reinforce your ability to take it all in, enjoy the pleasure of “Letting Love Lead” at http://www.judithandjim.com/lettinglovelead

Winter is setting in here in the mountains. The trees have dropped their leaves, the grass isn’t growing, frost is a regular morning visitor and ice is not too far away.

It’’s almost past remembering that the hills and pastures here were bursting with wild flowers just a few short months ago.

But the lush, verdant summer is only one season, like lusty passion is only one expression in the life of a relationship. Things change, and sometimes the beauty is not immediately apparent.

As we walk along the road the winter colors are muted and unassuming. We cant rely on them to excite us. Instead, we have to give more of
ourselves, we have to open and extend ourselves.

We have to bring more to the exchange because one half of the partnership - the winter landscape - doesn’t have the energy it once did.

Love is like that. Sometimes our partner doesn’t have it to turn us on. Sometimes they don’t feel well. Sometimes they’re depressed. Sometimes
they just want to be quiet. They’re muted and withdrawn.

That’s when we have to extend ourselves, our sensitivity, and look for the beauty of the moment. It wont leap out and grab us, but it’s there. And it doesn’t mean there’s anything we have to do but be respectful of what’s happening and, like in the winter, open to what it has to offer.

It will return the rich gifts of its season and, after a time, will be wild flowers again.
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Be sure to get Judith & Jim’s gift, a one-hour
audio “The Power of Receiving.” Just go to:
http://www.judithandjim.com/receiving

You’re busy checking off the items on your to-do list. Most of the gifts
have been wrapped. And the holiday cards made it to the post office this
morning. Oh, but you forgot about your daughter’s teacher! And what to take to the Smith’s annual Christmas Eve get together? And then the cookies for the school carnival and you used the last of the sugar in yesterday’s brownies for the church fund raiser.

Then just at the same time that you are trying to figure out what to wear to the office party, what should occur? Your two tiny elves run into your bedroom loaded down with treasures they made at school, all meant just for you!

But you haven’t got the time to stop and pay attention. The party’s in
just an hour. “Put them under the tree,” you command, turning back to your closet, missing the dejection flattening those eager faces that want nothing more than to please you.

You and your spouse make it to the party on time, but when several people there tell you how attractive you look, you don’t care because you’re bothered by your kids sulkiness as the two of you left the house. You wonder what was troubling them.

Two days later your darling sweetheart arrives home from work with a bonus check, setting up a surprise by placing it on your pillow with a note that says, “To thank you for who you are, this will take us to Paris in the
springtime! MUCH LOVE from Your Biggest Fan!” That night you stay up late to get those dozens and dozens of cookies baked, so you can drop them off when you take the kids to school the next day. When you crawl into bed at 1 AM your honey is fast asleep so you can’t turn the light on. You assume that the crinkling paper you lay your head on is some of your darling partner’s last minute office work and throw it on the floor. The next day you have to be told about the surprise and the disappointment caused because you missed it.

Gifts galore!!! And no one to receive them.

The old adage admonishes “‘Tis better to give than to receive.” But when the giving lands on unreceptive hearts, what good is it? In fact, as our all too familiar tale above makes clear, the excited, observant, appreciative givers find that their gifts are ignored and their feelings are hurt.

The gift of receiving is largely overlooked and overshadowed by the need to give. While gifts require money and time to purchase, or money, time, and labor to make, the gift of receiving is free and priceless.

You can’t put a price tag on your children’s glee seeing your face light up
with pleasure when their candle-made-in-a-milk-carton turns into the finest glow the season can shine in your direction. There’s no material value that equates with friends and acquaintances complimenting your looks, your talent, your friendship. And your spouse’s romantic appreciation for who you really are, well, it’s all you really wished for,
isn’t it? And yet . . .

And yet it’s not too late to make a resolution that this year you will give
the gift of receiving, the precious gift of paying attention to every person
who wants to please you. You needn’t gush or say you like something
you don’t. But you do have to notice any feelings that arise telling you
that you don’t deserve all this generosity. You do have to stay on guard
against the distractions of your grocery list or that phone call you forgot
to make that want to steal you away precisely at the time that someone
is filling your plate with emotionally delicious goodies!

Why?

Because the gift of receiving, the heartfelt “Thank you” is often difficult
to give. We’ve all been taught not to be self-centered, to focus on the
other person while remaining modest and humble. However, most of us
obey those instructions to the point of self-denial.

But then, ZAP! in one split second you are center stage. And that early
teaching rings loud and clear: “Get rid of it! Pass it off! Don’t get caught
being admired, appreciated, or even loved! Who do you think you are?”

Take the gift of receiving seriously. When you embrace the beauty and
generosity of what others give you, you will be changed. And you will be
changed into a more self-respectful and self-loving person.